Wass6p. By now, we’ve all probably gotten to the end of our ropes being stuck in the house. I, for one, am never out of things to keep me entertained, and regularly seek out insane and bizarre content purely for the sake of keeping my spirits high. I do, however, realize that it’s Meltdown May, and this time around it’s riddled with unusually high levels of panic and dread. We’re not going to address or entertain that for the duration of this issue, and probably not for any issue ever, because I’m high as shit and not trying to think about that shit at all in any capacity. Instead, I’m going to share some shit that keeps me staying afloat during literally any point of my life..shit that I watch or think about nearly every time I’m blazed out of my fucking skull. As a general rule, I don’t think about anything that upsets me for longer than fifteen seconds at a time. Why bother? What do I have to gain from it????
First up, here’s a video aptly titled “Gucci Mane High off kush”. It’s exactly what it says it is, but somehow also more than it professes itself to be. It’s my rock, the cornerstone of my life that keeps me going. It’s inspirational, aspirational, and I hope to one day be this fucking high. There is beauty all around us every day, sometimes in the form of decade-plus old videos of rappers.
I’m gonna let you know right fucking now, this issue has a few videos in it. I am NOT sponsored by Meltdown Monday, Gucci Mane, or any of the other prominent figures featured in this newsletter. Should I be? Of course. Next, here’s a precious little gem called “2 Dogs Hypnotized by Cake,” which again, is exactly what it fucking says it is. I don’t do CLICKBAIT, okay? This is raw, real journalism I’m providing with bonafide verified sources. No academic language, I’m simply presenting the unadulterated facts.
And here, is Kim Cattrall doing I don’t even fucking know what. This shit has me dying every time. There is not a single time I can watch Sex and the City now without remembering this video and wondering what the hell she was thinking. I have so many questions. If I met her by chance, though, and only had the opportunity to ask her ONE thing, it would NOT be about her beef with Sarah Jessica Parker, or about SATC, or about literally anything else. I would simply pull up this video, press play, and ask her to explain it.
And finally, I present to you, the FIRST youtube video I EVER saw, as a freshman in college. My friends and I used to sneak into the academic buildings after hours to watch movies on the projectors in classrooms. It was supposed to only be available to “students” who were “studying”, but what kind of fucking nerd goes into--you know what? Nevermind. I was about to pass some judgement there. That’s wrong of me. Anyway, I first saw this video projected on a huge screen while I was drunk off Steel Reserve. IF I die, I want this video played at my funeral. I don’t ever plan on dying, so saying that is just a formality. But know, I will laugh at this from beyond the fucking grave.
OK well, that’s it for now. I hope at least one of those videos provided a moment of respite, and could bring you the type of joy I intended to show. If not, I don’t know what to tell you dude. I genuinely believe every single one of this videos should be put into the Criterion Collection. Because I have what? TASTE. Cheers, brothers. See you next month, unless this was too much of a look into the inner workings of my mind and you’re averse to the elite level of cinema I just bestowed upon you. Take it easy.