In the spirit of reviving this newsletter (sorry, I’ve been insanely busy with work and this got put on the back burner, I have a few list-type issues to unload. First up: shit I bought online while I was high.
It may come as a surprise to you that I’m a victim of Instagram shopping. I will try pretty much anything even remotely interesting that is advertised to me and costs less than $40. Yes, this is how the companies win. But I won’t stop doing it. I love (and need) my little treats. None of these were sent to me, I paid my own very real (?) money for them, in case anyone was wondering. Let’s fucking gooooooo:
Vacation candles. Yes. I fell prey to the nostalgic advertisements and beautiful packaging. Sue me! However, I fuckin love these candles. They actually make me feel like I’m somewhere else…..dare I say…on vacation??…..My favorite one is Suite, but the others are great as well. At the time I’m writing this, everything on their site is 20% off. Go fuckin nuts.
It is with a deeply heavy heart that I report I bought these Gigantic candy bars. The brand name is very misleading, as these candy bars are absolutely not large. Do not expect large candy bars. You will not get them. However, the flavor is there. I bought the variety pack, which is a staggering $28 for eight…..you read that right….EIGHT candy bars. It took me months to actually commit to purchasing these because I refused to believe I lived in such a world where 8 candy bars could cost $28. But I do. If you, too, have been beaten to a pulp by the ads for this, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I know they’re wearing you down. I most enjoyed the salted peanut and the almond horchata. Hazelnut cafe was ok, and banana pecan was not my journey.
No clue how I got this far in life without a massage gun. This little bitch punches the hell out of me and I keep crawling back for more. I bought it when it was on sale for $50. I don’t think I’d pay more than that for any massage gun. I know there are really expensive ones with a lot of functions, but at the end of the day I simply need my neck and back whacked. Any old gun will do. I’ve seen the reviews, and some people call it “cheap” and “annoying to use.” I am built different.
Tower 28 SOS Spray is the best facial spray I’ve ever used in my life. I don’t see myself straying to try any others. There’s no point. This was a time where a purchase truly changed me. I’m a different woman now. Prior to this, I never felt relief from a facial spray, only wet indifference. This one feels like it’s actually doing something (positive) to my face, and I don’t get redness the way I used to. I highly recommend giving it a try. I saw that Tower 28 came out with a serum version of this spray that is supposed to be similarly soothing, but I don’t think I’m going to try it, as I’m happy with the serums I use at the moment.
“Oat Haus granola butter” is a really embarrassing thing to type. I’m grateful I don’t have to say it out loud. I don’t see the flavor I bought (blueberry) available anymore, which is weird. But it’s really fucking good. I obviously can’t vouch for the other flavors, but I have my eye on the strawberry shortcake one for when my jar runs out. I’m sure it’s great on sandwiches, but I prefer to spread it thick as fuck on a few rice cakes and just go to town.
I don’t know if I’ve talked about this before, but I’m very particular about my precious sleep. We all need sleep in order to function, but if everything isn’t just so, I won’t be able to fall asleep and I will make it everyone else’s problem. On that note, the elastic on the eye mask I’d been using for the last few years finally gave out, and I combed the depths of the internet to find something better….more suitable to my tastes and needs….the Cadillac of eye masks. And I found her. This kind has these deep areas for my eyes, and I can blink comfortably with it on. I don’t know how many of you have eye mask experience, but many of them don’t take your eye shape into account, and you’ll end up with some fucking tight ass material squeezing the fuck out of your eyes while you’re trying to rest. We don’t deserve that. This one also has an adjustable band around the head, taking head sizes of all kinds into account.
Adaptogenic trail mix? Why the fuck not. I created my own variety bundle and got two Hot to Trot, one Turning Heads, and one Smoke Show. I haven’t tried Smoke Show yet, but the other two are, dare I say it, incredible. I especially enjoy the flavors of Hot to Trot because of the mix of crunch, chew, tang, heat, etc. That snack has it all. This is a situation where I will absolutely try to recreate this snack on my own. There’s nothing better than making a little snack. I’m a big fan of doing so. I’m not sure I believe in the adaptogen aspect of this trail mix, as I am very inexperienced in adaptogens and am not really interested in learning more about them at this time.
I bought this gua sha stone when my millionth jade roller finally broke. It serves basically the same function, except it can’t break repeatedly and gets in the areas of my face a lot better. Getting high and massaging my face while it’s covered in oils is a top 5 experience for me personally. I love me I’d do anything for me.
I bought a fuckin slam ball, baby! I consider my slam ball to be a member of my family. I got the 10 lb one (with treads) because we not pushin big weight over here, OK? I’ve broken each of my elbows and am simply taking it easy. Anyway, the slam ball is very fun and an easy way to get out some aggression or tire myself out. It feels good as fuck.
I haven’t tried this yet, but I need to share it regardless, because it’s a hot sauce made with carrot. I will report back when I actually use it. I was thinking about putting it on some carrots I roasted, but got caught up wondering if that was maybe too much carrot for one meal.
That’s it for this issue. Unfortunately, there is more where this came from. I hope you enjoyed. If you didn’t, that’s lowkey not my problem. See ya!
i just found your newsletter for the first time, so forgive me, but have you ever tried the manta sleep mask? https://mantasleep.com/ as a long-time sleep mask user this is the one i swear by. perfect darkness, perfect comfort. i'm curious if you'd feel the same!
Hi Alyson, So glad you enjoyed Tango! We're so grateful that you recommended Tango on your blog we want to offer to send you a free care pack of more flavors. If you're interested, just shoot an email to dan@tangochilesauce.com and we'll get that set up for you today!