issue 40
my dad's birthday
Today is my dad’s birthday. I’m not going to say how old he’d be, because I don’t want to give anyone an excuse to do age-gap discourse about my parents. What I will say, though, is the same phrase everyone who’s ever lost someone is known to utter: I wish I could talk to him again.
To be clear, I don’t care much about the details of his youth, like the story of his childhood or who his friends were. This isn’t Jeopardy! But I do care about the excruciatingly mundane details that no one can ever give me. Which sandwich would he order from the local shop? What new song would he love, against all preconceived notions about what he was “really into”? What celebrity would he hold an irrational grudge against? Those are the real questions. Similarly, I wonder how he’d feel about what weed has come to, what with all the doohickeys and potions. I know he used to smoke, because my mom said she “made him go do it in the garage,” and it pains me that I wasn’t a six-year-old stoner who could join him.
Father’s Day always lands right around when his birthday is, which doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. In my younger years, I’d curse God and everyone whose loving fathers were living and breathing. I don’t do that anymore. Their fathers will die too, and it will hurt them, and then we’ll all be grieving under the same sun and moon. That’s nothing to wish for.
I’ve actually pushed past celebrating much of anything on Father’s Day in particular. His birthday feels more meaningful to acknowledge because it’s specific, and even though there are other girls whose dead dads were born on June 13th, it feels like a more exclusive club that we’re silent members of, which is something I can appreciate. There’s also a pretty decent selection of Father’s Day discounts to partake in, so while my heart hurts, I do love a deal, and my dad would want me to get them. So yes, brands, send the coupon codes, thanks.
Anyway, I’m cracking open a crisp weed drink and sipping in his honor. If you get a little baked tonight, please dedicate it to him. TGIF, baby!
My dad was born on June 18, so I have a similar experience of the double bday-Father's day whammy. I used to find it difficult for present buying reasons (both finding 2 gifts that he'd like, and being able to afford them at the same time). Now I guess I get to dodge the sad bullet of 2 dates spaced further apart that can make me sad, and instead can concentrate those feelings in one week. My mom's bday was in February and I find mother's day rough. Just a lot of rough days when your parents are dead. Sending love!
Deals 🙌🏾